Feeling My Way Into The New Year

It's been about a month since I last posted here. Christmas has passed. New Years too. I had a lovely holiday...but also a very melancholy one too. Missing my mother so much this year. My sister and I tried to soldier through in our own respective ways. We went through all the family ornaments that had been collected and hung with love each year on moms' tree. It was bittersweet. So much of the way we felt this year could be summed up with that word; which is ironic and sad. The name my parents' gave to their boat was Bittersweet; they said that it was a perfect summation of life: which is both bitter at times and also sweet. Seeing some of those treasured ornaments on my own tree was comforting; so many memories...
But this holiday season was also sad and heartbreaking for us. My little dog, Shelby, went into kidney failure and had to be put to sleep. Our hearts were truly broken. She was our sweet little girl; she and her 'brother' Bailey were adopted into our home 3 years ago from a local Humane Society. At 7 and 8 they were considered senior dogs. Shelby was actually quite sick when we got her. She had a history of bladder stones and, in the time we had her, had to have two surgeries to have them removed. After the first surgery--shortly after we adopted her--it was as if she was having a second puppyhood. Her personality came out; her spark and joy at being a little dog in a loving home. She loved to be contrary and stubborn. She loved to gambol about our huge yard, with Bailey...and sometimes my husband, at her heels. She loved to give the squirrels endless grief. She loved dinnertime and petite carrot treats. She loved to meet other people and dogs. She was a gem. I'm glad we took the chance and got to know this amazing little dog. But I have to admit, I might think twice about taking another dog with an unknown health history. It seems Shelby also had a history of kidney stones and had had a kidney removed some time in her past. We didn't know until she became so sick.
We are considering getting another little dog. Bailey is so melancholy. He lived his entire life with her; he seems kind of lost without her. We are looking into a Shih Tsu rescue organization and the possibility of a younger female. I've been going through pictures and profiles online on Petfinder. Of course they all tug my heartstrings, but I want to make a considered choice and not just an impulsive one. No more heartbreak...if possible. Post Christmas...I have been sick myself. What seemed to start as a typical cold; took root and has had me pretty well laid up for the last week or so. I am only just starting to feel like myself a little bit. These pen and ink drawings were done last week-- Thursday, Friday, Saturday--as a way to distract myself from how bad I was feeling. And as a way to make good on my personal New Years resolution to make or work on some kind of art every day...no matter what.

They are loosely based on the idea of a zentangle, but not really a true zentangle... I think they are very stream of consciousness though. I tried not to think too much about what I was drawing as I was doing them. I love the black and white; the starkness of them.

I am really trying to keep to my resolution.

I should also resolve to be more dutiful in my blog entries.